There is a woman who works at the customer service desk in the library in the ilac centre. She is small and lumpy has a bowl fringe and wears moon spectacles. She looks like she is from the midlands. One of those midland counties where no one has ever been. Leitrim. Every time this woman speaks she sounds like she is having a mini orgasm. Each sentence begins in a slow monotone leitrim drawl but then ends in a high pitched orgasmic exclamation. It is fucking hilarious. Lately I have found myself standing a few feet from the desk pretending to read a book using all restraint possible, my sphincter muscle contorting, in an effort not to piss myself. The other day while pretending to read a book on Goya I listened to her attempt to explain to a young Polish man the conditions of registering with the library. "ok you will need a form of identification and two utility bills" "utility bills, no thats a bank statement. "ok you need to sign here, no not there here! here, here here here here here here HERE!!
Piss dribbles down my leg as she creams her knickers with splashes of good ol fashioned Leitrim cum.