Saturday, September 25, 2010

Beware that zombie in the corner crying blood listening to Yazz-The only way is up.

Key in door. Hallway floor.
He reaches down slowly and picks up a bundle of solicitation.
He walks into a black leather room and sits on a black leather couch.
He is sucking on a Mcdonalds banana milkshake which he places on his sitting room table.
He kicks off a pair of mud stained shoes.
He pulls of black pin striped trousers and pulls down grey Calvin Klein boxer shorts.
His brain tells him to read the bundle of solicitation now soaked in the sweat of his palm.
Domino's pizza. Meal Deal. China City. Meal deal. Chicken Hut. Meal Deal. Gardener for hire.
Babysitter for hire. Sell your gold. Sell your children.
He takes a dying dick in a dying palm and begins to pump.
And pull.
And pump.
And pull.
And a scarlet tear trickles from his left eye down his cheek.
His brain tells him to log on.
He reaches over to his sitting room table and picks up a Dell laptop which is smothering a two day old Daily Star Newspaper.
He reads about what his friends had for breakfast. About what they are going to have for lunch and then about what they are going to have for dinner. They all live such tremendous lives.
Somebody posts that it is raining outside and he looks out the window and it is.
Like Like Like Like Like.
Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump.
Pull Pull Pull Pull Pull.
He has six hundred and sixty six friends on facebook but only socialises with the same four people in the same four bars on the same four day weekends after which he succumbs to to the same three day hangovers.
And the tears of blood flow.
Porn Hub.
Lesbian porn.
Milf seduces daughters best friend.
However he no longer enjoys the actual act of debauchery, his marketed brain now fully anesthestised to licked clits, spandex tits and anal pearls. He finds the dance before the act much more erotic where lascivious smiles turn to 40 year old hands being placed on 18 year old thighs.
His brain tells his eyes to scan the advertisements circling the page.
Grow an eighteen inch cock in two days.
Old men fuck young girls.
A sweat dripped claw fish hooks a raped cheek.
Click Me Click Me Click Me Click Me Click Me.
Rape Me Rape Me Rape Me Rape Me Rape Me.
Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump.
Pull Pull Pull Pull Pull.
And the tears of blood continue to flow.
His brain tells his lungs that they need a cigarette. His lungs say no but his brain tells his lungs to go fuck themselves so he reaches over to his sitting room table and picks up a packet of marlboro gold. He takes one out lights it and inhales. Deeply. But never exhales.
His brain tells him to turn on the television. Which he does. This take him twenty four minutes.
Desperate Housewives.
Go Compare.
Abra fucking Kebabra.
Desperate Housewives.
Neanderthals take paternity tests on the Jeremy Kyle Show.
Buy Me Buy Me Buy Me Buy Me Buy Me
Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump
Pull Pull Pull Pull Pull
Sky News.
Twenty four around the clock coverage of a woman putting a cat into a bin.
A small running caption below reads scientists predict nuclear holocaust imminent.
Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump
Pull Pull Pull Pull Pull
Yazz-The Only Way is Up.
The only way is up
for you and me now
the only way is up
for you and me now
Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump
Pull Pull Pull Pull Pull
His brain tells him he is hungry so he stands up and walks to the kitchen, Yazz on repeat in the background tears of blood forming puddles on the floor. His dying dick now resembles a small zeppelin and it bobs and lolls between volvic sweating thighs as he opens his fridge.
Processed Ham.
Processed Eggs.
Processed Horse.
Processed Eagle
Processed Llama.
Kelkin orange juice.
Kelkin apple juice.
Kelkin cranbberry juice.
Kelkin apple and orange juice.
Kelkin orange and cranberry juice.
An apple
An orange.
Human flesh.
Eat me Eat me Eat me Eat me Eat me.
Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump
Pull Pull Pull Pull Pull
The only way is up now baby
The only way is up now baby
For you and me now
He feels a twinge in his temple so his brain directs him to the medicine cabinet which he opens.
Medicate Medicate Medicate Medicate Medicate
Pump Pump Pump Pump Pump
Pull Pull Pull Pull Pull
The only way is up now the only way is up now the only way is up now
Blood floods off his chin as his bowels release a slime of big macs and late night quiz shows and mono sodium glutamate all over his black and white tiled kitchen floor.
He needs to breath so he opens the kitchen door and walks out into the garden. He takes off his Prada shirt and his silk tie and lies down naked on weed killer grass in a weed killer rain.
And his mind finally coagulates.
And he realises that God is nothing but in effect a dictator.
And a guttural roar rises in his chest and he screams like a dragon being tortured to a cacophony of dying crows.
A black sebum sperm spurts from a dead dick and fountains over waxed thighs and a waxed chest and waxed testicles and his eyes stop bleeding.
But they sting.
And his dead brain tells him that there is Optex in the medicine cabinet.
So he stands up and walks slowly. One foot in front of the other. Arms outstretched in front. Back into the house. Back to the medicine cabinet.
The only way is up baby
for you and me now
The only way is up
for you and me now.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Ode to Jane

I love you.
Throughout the loading, the typing, the downloading
your keyboard stained with cigarette ash and racked lines
you survived
when a faceless girl dropped you off the side of a couch in a cocaine dream
you survived
never cried
we have battled you and I.
disfigurement never phased you
you never flinched when black masking tape, trainspotting, matisse, bukowski and a black and white
adidas hoodie held up your beautiful face
you survived.
we have  battled you and I.
Throughout the blue screen suicide attempts
your bytes filled with the musings of a whiskey soaked bum
mourning the loss of your caps lock button, your W and your T
your children
you have survived
drenched in my thoughts
you will be encased in a mahogany frame on my wall
for all the world to see.
a true soldier
and as I type upon your hallowed keyboard
words cannot evoke Jane what you mean to me
maybe Mariah can say what I cannot seem to do.

Ode to a Glass Thrower

I loathe you
Bile rises like a New Orleans rain
The result of a momentary lapse in your fathers concentration
when his black gorilla body smothered your mother
in a devils bit cider fueled embrace
before he reached a pig fucked climax
his mind wandered to that time in the bedroom when he was seven
and his uncles groping hands
that is what you are
the ejaculated result of  a child abuse victims darkest dreams
in agony
i want your last sight to be the sweating obese body
of a pink wigged wearing demon transvestite
skull fucking Your left eyeball with a razor blade cock
spewing satans five soliloquies
as he fists fucks your throat with the shards of broken pint glasses


Mr Mojo Risin sings strange days through the purple haze of a California dream
sympathise with the devil on a moonlit drive
a day in the life of a jealous guy
break and enter into fake tales of San Francisco
gimme shelter from this beautiful life
saturate on a sunny afternoon
you're no good to me i don't need nobody
did I pass the acid test?
take another little piece of my heart now baby I've got a list of demands
fell in love with a girl staring at a waterloo sunset
striptease oh you pretty things
girl I love you every time you touch me
the man who sold the world was a god moving over the face of waters
what do you see when you listen to music?

The girl with the sidereal eyes

Awake to raven hair cascading over a beauty spot shoulder
a Titian neck rotates in a morning yawn
marine eyes pierce
your heart breathes
you follow the nape of her neck down to a crimson bra
a stretch offers the glimpse of a pulp wine nipple which plays hide and seek
sheathed in velvet
eyes blush at the contours of an Aphrodite navel
she runs a ladybird finger around the recesses of her bellybutton
claws her leg to a lascivious V
and chuckles a candy cane laugh
bites a supple lip with snow white teeth
a silver ankle bracelet dances over wiggling ladybird toes
your heart sucks
and you realise that you are in fact the luckiest bastard alive
to be lying in bed next to the girl with the sidereal eyes.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Dictionary Corner

The Collins English Dictionary will accept and review with corroborating documented evidence the addition of new words to the dictionary and thus to the English language. This got me to thinking...

coof - the sound a pigeon makes you when you kick it.

coofer - a person who kicks pigeons

bootchyfliff - the small lumps of fluff you find in your bellybutton

abontational - haven't worked out exactly what this means yet but it sounds like it should be a word

saffragate - the creation of ones own unique language

mertjat - a term to describe a former parachutist

dilchwid - a cloud that has formed the shape of a person or thing

poopyplip - a person with an irrational fear of molluscs

shadagasta - a dark and cold place

fungo - the ability to turn everyday household items into musical instruments

qwanoc - difficulty in deciding which way to turn

wherethefuckarewe- a roaming nomadic tribe. completely lost.

aintgotafuckingclue - leader of the wherethefuckarewe tribe

chorny - a heightened state of sexual arousal brought on by watching cartoons

I implore you all to come up with your own words and then inundate the Collins English Dictionary team with your creations. Their website is Let us all saffragate.



eyes stained with last nights red wine open
to the machine gun rat a tat tat of birds fucking at a wet window
a scorched tongue runs slowly across cut lips
a caustic throat coughs
head lolls

sunken eyes stare back at you in a piss soaked bathroom
you spit that black blooded bile of tar and tooth decay
you shouldn't smoke when you're sick but you do it fucking anyway
the glob of phlegm stares back
taunting you from a colgate sink
refusing to move

hot water
you use an ochre coloured index finger
blistered with last nights cancer
to push the congealed mob of marlboro lights down an unwilling sinkhole

flame on you children of the demon weed
mucus is in the eye of the beholder.